By Laughs by Teresa
I just got back from the store and I’m actually vibrating with rage. I went in for three things—three!—and it was $52. Since when did eggs become a luxury asset? I’m looking at the carton like it’s a Tiffany’s display case. I saw a guy in the cereal aisle yesterday just staring at a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for five minutes like he was saying goodbye to a loved one.
And don’t even get me started on my “raise.” My boss sat me down with this huge grin like he was handing me the keys to a kingdom, and it was a 2% bump. Two percent. In this economy? That’s not a raise, that’s a rounding error. It’s a “thanks for not quitting yet” participation trophy. I checked my bank account after my car insurance hit and I’m pretty sure my balance is just a shrug emoji at this point.
The best part? Taxes. The government sees me struggling to afford name-brand bread and goes, “Ooh, looks like you’ve got an extra nickel there, we’ll take that.” I’m honestly considering living in a tent and commuting via vibes because I can’t afford the gas to go to a job that doesn’t pay me enough to live anyway. If you see me crying in the parking lot, no you didn’t. Tissues are $4 a box now, I’m air-drying these tears.
The Fun Doesn’t Stop Here!
Love a good laugh about life’s chaos? Your daily dose of digital delight continues below!
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